Whatever Is Slowly Killing Me

I am picking a suitable wallpaper for my desktop. Black was the solid wallpaper I had for the past months. I experimented with showing the desktop icons and hiding them. None of the options could appease me. The blackness now seems blacker, blander and far too depressing. If they say that gray is a far more depressing color, I disagree. What color could define an abyss most accurately such as black?

I've been picking wallpapers based on my favorite movies and television programs. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Atonement. Garden State. Big Bang Theory. You know, the happy stuff. Unfortunately, the wallpapers in images.google.com are crappier than I expected them to be. I am reluctant to try searching for wallpapers of darker-themed media. I won't, though. Doing so would fail the purpose of my wallpaper-picking.

Oh, whatever. Here's what I end up with. A wallpaper non-related to my choice of entertainment media.

Wallpaper. Could it be a metaphor I represent my life with? Could the blackness of a background transcend into something else? I guess it does.

Blandness. We all hate that. But blandness is a matter of taste and preference. Some may think that a movie like Revolutionary Road is bland. I say not. In fact, it is too emotional to stomach -the very reason why I like it.

Well then, if blandness is a matter of taste. Then most of my life is bland. I don't mean it in an emotional way. I mean my choice of a lively life would involve mountain climbing and endless night-outs. If I were living that life, I would find that bland too. Even if I put an extravagant wallpaper or check every item on my "things to do before I die" list, there will come a point wherein I will get sick of every thing. I don't want that.

Haii. Whatever. Grin and bear it.