My Sanctuary

And the poetic beast devours me.
Ravage on my drama

________________________

My Sanctuary

"The thankfully unreal"

Voices echo in the background

Exchanges of cordial greetings

Ordinary smiles

Acts with no meanings

like a stage kiss

The rotations of the moon

False tells of a never-ending

The rotations of the earth

Endure the pain

like a relationship book 

My heels are below my head

Enveloped by dust and earth

And I panic

Hard

to Soft

like quicksand

In my mind

The sun is shining brighter

Fingers lace fearlessly

And the light retires

But the retirement is quick

I wake

In my mind

An endless exchange

Eternal words of somethingness

The stage kiss fades

My soul crumbles

For I wake

In my mind

Healthful meals in

a clean abode

Smiles seem sweeter

My face fades into nothing

For once again, I wake

I wake

I am awake

The uneasiness felt

The air you exude

The smile that could pierce

Sighs that would last ages

The thankfully unreal

When Time Dents Reality

I dread that this day was consumed in an ignorant fashion. No moment was absorbed. Hours were slept off. Minutes of Mad Men were untouched. This phenomenon is what I try to stray away from. Is it possible to transit from a sleepy, tiresome life (note the paradox) to that which is more energetic and productive? The productive levels in my bloodstream are not up to par with my procrastinating tendencies--which to my amazement do not really equate to mediocrity. I even feel for the untouched .avi files in my Downloads folder. Thousands  of minutes (yes, thousands) of rich entertainment open to perspective analysis are wasted. Waste. Waste. Waste. If only a natural law of Physics would forever prevent that. I see the ironic linkage between resting and laziness. How can something so venerable be so silently unholy? Time itself is a monster in its own right. It speeds and mixes with space and dents all reality.

Rotten Tomatoes Could Get Rotten

"Expanding horizons" That is what I would like to call my new pastime. Every thing regardless of its relevance to life passes the time; I do say that "pastime" is a good-enough term. I should try exploring more directors and screenwriters. While exposing myself to different art forms and quality films, I contemplate on the helpfulness of sites like imdb.com and rottentomatoes.com -both of which are legit if you qualitatively seek a next film. 

The Internet Movie Database has a humongous database (hence the name) containing films and television shows of all eras. It has a Wikipedia flavor because most of the information are submitted by registered members (the difference between it and Wiki). You could be assured that the "masses" generally know what movies are worth the watch.

A contrasting site would be Rotten Tomatoes. Some well-rated movies in IMDB are poorly received in RT. RT houses a mixture of learned and pretentious critics. Emphasis on pretension. Movies are supposed to be evaluated on how the elements jive together to create an integral art form. Several critics account the littlest things and express their pseudo-sentiments with precocious words that were probably sought for in a thesaurus whilst writing the review. Thank goodness the criticisms are filtered. But I still do search on the reviews every now and then. I would not want to expect too much from a movie. I can get quite sentimental.

Anyhoot, let not these criticisms affect my eye on a good movie. Yes, my eye for aesthetics is a premature one but I beg to differ. I will eventually understand the social significance of each and every film. "Higher" critics do say that "low criticism" scrutinizes over the superficial elements of the movie. "Higher criticism" involves analyzing on the themes and issues presented in the film.

I'm 16. I'm turning 17. I have a lot of time. How often is it that a person of my ripe age searches for an academic undertone in media? If you would not call this academic, how about intellectual? There are several skills I would like to develop and film analysis would help me in achieving that.

Whatever Is Slowly Killing Me

I am picking a suitable wallpaper for my desktop. Black was the solid wallpaper I had for the past months. I experimented with showing the desktop icons and hiding them. None of the options could appease me. The blackness now seems blacker, blander and far too depressing. If they say that gray is a far more depressing color, I disagree. What color could define an abyss most accurately such as black?

I've been picking wallpapers based on my favorite movies and television programs. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Atonement. Garden State. Big Bang Theory. You know, the happy stuff. Unfortunately, the wallpapers in images.google.com are crappier than I expected them to be. I am reluctant to try searching for wallpapers of darker-themed media. I won't, though. Doing so would fail the purpose of my wallpaper-picking.

Oh, whatever. Here's what I end up with. A wallpaper non-related to my choice of entertainment media.

Wallpaper. Could it be a metaphor I represent my life with? Could the blackness of a background transcend into something else? I guess it does.

Blandness. We all hate that. But blandness is a matter of taste and preference. Some may think that a movie like Revolutionary Road is bland. I say not. In fact, it is too emotional to stomach -the very reason why I like it.

Well then, if blandness is a matter of taste. Then most of my life is bland. I don't mean it in an emotional way. I mean my choice of a lively life would involve mountain climbing and endless night-outs. If I were living that life, I would find that bland too. Even if I put an extravagant wallpaper or check every item on my "things to do before I die" list, there will come a point wherein I will get sick of every thing. I don't want that.

Haii. Whatever. Grin and bear it.

New Year :)

Finally, 2011. The mere thought of a new year is exciting. All of the qualms and impediments of 2010 are to be swept under the rug and you can start over; clean slate. Worries of getting into a swell college is now over. Love-related worries (if ever they existed) are long gone. In every single aspect of my life, I could finally bid my old self farewell.

Like all the people living in the nigh, I wish to contemplate on the year that will soon end. Such a beautiful year. I indeed felt my more mature transitions. Although more ideas and concepts now appear ambiguous to me, I feel freedom. I am not attached to any string. May I add that 70% of my new year's resolutions from the preceding year have been fulfilled. Talk about happiness.

I am not a writer of long compositions. One should be aware of that. 

Now, to fight that little monster.

Hunger for Relevance?

The First Post

I am blocked.

I have deleted my Multiply account after editing the settings of every one of my posts to "for me only". My Formspring account has also been closed by me. My previous Blogger account has been removed. All my dated ideas have now vanished and whatever I am going to conclude in this post will be the start of a new chapter in the story of my literary maturity. I am not talking literary theory. I am talking about training myself into more effectively communicating my ideas in text.

Whenever I read my own words, I am drunk dry. Why is it that my ideas sound so monotonous? I want some flavor in my writing. I want some way to add a pitch to it. I do not want to sound like a reporter or a teenager who loves to rant (which I am, still). Hopefully, a literary voice would be established with my blogging. Also, I want to try what everybody does: post too much of their life. I will try posting points of my life but keep myself in the shadows. Think of it as a ninja. You know they exist and you know what they can do but you will never be able to confirm anything unless you've been chopped up by one. Let me indulge in uncertainty.

On this uneventful evening full of Christmas enthusiasm, I open this Blogger account. I do not desire traffic. I do not desire recognition which is the common motivation of bloggers despite the anonymousness of their usernames. All I want is the avenue of expression. Being read is a plus. Also, I want to clean out my habit of irrelevance. I want to track myself down somehow. Let this blog be a reference point. 

My purposes aside, let my first post be about my Christmas Wishlist. Nothing like a feel-good theme to start a blog with. Also, I am quite the a semi-consumerist and finance is something one has to take track of. That was supposed to be a joke but I did not make it sound comic.

My Christmas Wishlist

I am generally not a materialistic person. Nothing of material nature has consumed me. However, whatever I buy is something that fits in the profile of a consumerist. On the bright side, I help my parents in deducting income tax. On another bright side, I keep the economy flowing in my own little way. 

1. This Journal Will Actually Change Someone's Life Planner

Here is the evidence of my 2011 planner-hunting. I see Belle de Jour everywhere and it is adorable. Free coupons to almost very feminine establishments, a menstrual tracker and a few inserted facts are what everybody seems to be craving for. But BDJ is just too bulky for me and it offers things I do not need. 

I have been checking the Starbucks 2011 planner out. I feel that it is not enough to fit my needs. Stamp collecting is a tedious task and that adds a con. 

The Change Journal

Now, the Change planner is what I am talking about. Spot.ph describes it as a taste for the soul-searchers. I do not really fall in that category but I love the idea. I can organize my agendas but keep the spontaneity I really want because of the random holidays or occasions the Change planner inserts. Also, it is light and thin. Plus points. I definitely am going to buy this.

2. True Blood DVD sets

If there is one thing that marked my 2010, it would be Sookie Stackhouse and the story of the non-human creatures that shook her life. A blockmate of mine referred the series and after a few episodes, I was so easily hooked. I have copies of all the aired seasons. My addiction to the series compels me to buy the DVD boxes.

True Blood fever is kicking in

3. Knowledge

Comic relief. I cannot think of anything else to want.

That is my wishlist subject to change. I shall conclude my blog post here. This is my first effort in publishing a post with a substantial amount of pictures (this is substantial).